How to cope with toddler tantrums

Even the best of parents can find themselves overwhelmed by toddler tantrums. Tantrums are an all-too-common problem for parents; even if you’re expecting it, it’s never pleasant to see a well-behaved, pleasant child go from giggling and smiling one second to crying and shouting the next.

You re definitely not the first parent to have to deal with a toddler tantrum. In fact, they’re a normal part of health development. But that doesn’t make them any less stressful to handle. As such, learning about them might help you better approach them.

Why do toddler tantrums happen?

Kids grow quickly during their toddler years, which sees them developing more complex emotions. However, they might not have the language, communication, or reasoning skills to express or process these emotions. This gap between their emotional development and linguistic development is where tantrums come from.

Tantrums can happen because your child doesn’t know how to explain what they want. It might happen because they’re frustrated and don’t know other ways to express it. It can even happen because they’re hungry, tired, or just overstimulated.

As mentioned, tantrums are a natural part of growing up. Especially around the “terrible twos” when they tend to become more frequent. However, as their communication and emotional self-regulation skills improve, they tend to become less common.

What do tantrums look like?

Tantrums can range from mild whining to much more dramatic displays. Behaviours can include:

• Crying
• Shouting
• Kicking
• Hitting
• Throwing objects
• Falling to the ground
• Stiffening their body
• Refusing to move
• Ignoring instructions

How to respond when a tantrum strikes

How you react to a tantrum is important. You want to avoid matching their energy or escalating things emotionally and try to stay calm, even when it’s tough. Take a deep breath, and make sure your voice is level when talking to them. Offering a little comfort, like a cuddle, or giving them some space can help calm things.

A child may have a tantrum in response to you enforcing a boundary or rule. When that happens, do not comply to their requests as that only reinforces the idea that they can use tantrums to get what they want.

Sometimes, you can’t get a word in if your child is having a tantrum; if you can, be sure to keep language simple and explanations short. Acknowledge their feelings and let them be heard however, trying to go for long chats can lead to them becoming emotionally overwhelmed again, so know when to leave it alone.

Most importantly, ensure they’re safe. If they’re lashing out, throwing things, or otherwise doing anything physically unsafe, moving them somewhere where they’re less likely to hurt themselves or do damage is wise.

How to prevent toddler tantrums

Sometimes, there’s no effective way to stop a tantrum from happening. You can make them a little less frequent though with the following tips:

• Maintain a consistent routine; unpredictability can cause feelings of insecurity.
• Empower your child with more choices, such as choosing what colour cup they want or which snack they want.
• Make note of good behaviour and praise it, so they’re more likely to repeat it.
• Meet their regular needs: snacks, naps, and time to relax.
• Teach them calming techniques, like breathing games or counting to help control emotions.
• Be mindful of and address separation anxiety.

In most cases, tantrums are nothing to be concerned about. That said, if they’re very frequent, really intense, or your child hurts themselves or others, you might want to talk to a healthcare professional for advice. If they’re throwing tantrums and not progressing with their language or social skills, that might prompt a check-in, too.

Keeping calm as a parent

Even when you know that tantrums are a normal part of growing up, it can get to you. Managing outbursts can be draining, so it’s important to invest in a little self-care, as well. Know when you need to step away for a moment to collect your thoughts, so long as it’s safe.

Understand that you’re not the only parent dealing with this. Talking to others can reinforce that, such as with our parent advice hub. Most importantly, remember that tantrums are temporary. Your child having a tantrum is not a sign that you’re not doing your job as a parent; it’s just another part of the job.

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